


Missing

by DanielleItLouderNow



Series: Words Unspoken [1]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Letters, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 22:38:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15520179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanielleItLouderNow/pseuds/DanielleItLouderNow
Summary: Based on Missing by EvanescenceKorra's unsent letters to Asami





	Missing

**Author's Note:**

> I was on my way home from work today when I heard a song that was an old favorite of mine, Missing by Evanescence.
> 
> I'm thinking of doing a series of letters that Korra never sends/never intends to share with Asami while she's recovering in the South.
> 
> This one is angsty because, well, Evanescence.
> 
> Let me know what you think and give the song a listen if you like.
> 
> Cheers.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5RmCBpfBUk

Korra woke with a jolt, crying out into the darkness. She was covered in a thin sheen of sweat but her covers were soaked, her hair damp, and her eyes full of tears.

 

Another nightmare. They were becoming a staple in her life and she could almost recite them word for word upon awaking.

 

Korra had seriously begun to regret her decision to return to the South alone. Waking up in terror in the dark of night, alone, in a gigantic bed with only her thoughts to draw comfort from was absolutely one of the worst choices she'd made in her small time on this earth.

 

Asami's kind face flooded Korra's mind. She brooded over their last interaction, before she'd boarded the boat to return South months ago. Asami, offering to join her, trying to make eye contact, trying not to shed the tears that brimmed in her eyes, holding her hand and squeezing it sincerely. 

 

The thought filled Korra with a bitter rage that burned deep into her core.

 

Korra had stacks and stacks of letters from Asami, each as frustrating as the last. Rather than focus on Korra's predicament, Asami chose to ruminate on the happenings in Republic City: her achievements, the brothers various exploits, the airbender babies saving the world; all things Korra couldn't even fathom doing at the moment. Occasionally, Asami would ask Korra if she wanted her to come visit. As if Asami Sato needed Korra's permission, she thought with enough venom to make her gut roil. 

 

Frankly, Korra was surprised she hadn't woken up one day to find Asami dozing in a chair beside her bed, Asami's hand clasped firmly in her own like she had when she'd first came to in the hospital. Like so many nights on Air Temple Island afterward when she'd awake the grips of yet another nightmare, Asami waking, climbing into bed with her and whispering reassurances to her while she played with her hair and held her close, never once making her feel less for her violent, wracking sobs. Asami was always there when Korra woke up, always there to calm her down, to offer comfort, to care for her needs.

 

Korra wasn't certain if the emotion she was feeling was longing or malice.

 

Malice toward who was the real question.

 

Toward Zaheer for crippling her?

 

Toward Asami for listening to her?

 

Or toward herself, for being stupid enough to sacrifice herself in the first place. Korra wasn't particularly in the habit of self-preservation these days.

 

Reaching up, Korra wiped the tears from her eyes and with a great sigh, heaved herself out of bed into her wheelchair. Another gift from Asami. A gift Korra loved to hate. She wheeled herself over to her desk where she pulled out Asami's latest letter, glancing through it again. It was nothing significant, something about the spirit vines and a contract to redesign roadways. It was ended with an "I miss you," and "Love" rather than "sincerely" or "your friend." Korra felt something burn deep within her again as a small flame erupted from her palm, singeing the corner of the letter. Korra watched it the flame flicker for a second before creating an air vacuum around the tiny flame, causing it to sputter and die. The parallel was not lost to her.

 

She pulled out a clean sheet of paper and began yet another letter she knew she would never send. It was cathartic, in a way, putting her feelings down on paper. But every time she wrote a new letter, another struggle would arise and Korra would crash down into herself again.

 

" _Dear Asami_ ," she began. Dear? Is Asami really "dear"? Dear how? To me? What does that even mean?

She crossed it out with several angry strokes and began again.

 

" _My Friend Asami._ " Sure. Korra supposed there was no ambiguity in that, though she hadn't been feeling particularly friendly lately. She felt her face twist in a tight grimace and ignored the indignation she felt.

 

" _My Friend Asami,_

_I'm sure you're having a swanky time up there in Republic City. Me? Oh, you know, I'm just down here living it up, suffering the indignity of being stripped naked and sat on a toilet every two hours in the hopes I don't mess myself. You've never really lived until you've had someone else wipe your ass for you_." 

 

Korra couldn't decide if the statement was sarcastic or malevolent. Either way, this letter would never reach its intended recipient, so who gave a shit? Not her, not usually. Korra continued on, her resentment rising with each stroke of her pen.

 

_"I'm so glad to hear you're doing so well. It's like I never even existed at all! I'm so glad that I was so easy to forget._

_Please forgive me, but I won't be coming home again. Maybe one day you'll wake up and say to no one 'Isn't something missing?' But you won't cry for my absence, I know._

_Why did you let me go? Why did you let me sacrifice myself to Zaheer? Why did you let me return to the South by myself? Did you even ever care at all? You forgot me long ago so why didn't you just let me die? Why Asami, did you have to let me live and continue to remind me of my failings? Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant? Isn't someone missing me?_

_And I know that it was all my choice._

_Even though I'm the sacrifice, you won't try for me. Not now. Isn't someone missing me?_

_Asami, I can't even begin to describe to you how I feel right now. I don't even know what I feel. But I'd die to know you love me. I'm all alone. And I'm just so angry and hurt and I feel like I'm being crushed under the weight of my decision to give myself up, to bleed for everyone else._

_I never thought if I bleed, I'd bleed knowing you don't care. Again, why didn't you just let me go and let my suffering end? Why was everyone so selfish to save me only to forget me as soon as was convenient?_

_I have nightmares constantly. Nightmares of Zaheer succeeding and never being able to see you again. Nightmares of Zaheer wiping out an entire nation just to prove a point. Nightmares where I'm gone and none one seems to care, especially you. I can't handle it, the pain of knowing that you don't care. Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?_

_And if I do sleep, it's just to dream of you and I'll wake without you there. I breathe deep and I cry out: isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?_

_But I suppose in the end, you were only doing what I asked you to, and you've moved on with your life while I chose to stay cemented in this bitter cycle of regret._

_One of us should be happy._

_Please forgive me, but I won't be home again._

_Bitterly yours,_

_Korra."_

Korra read over her letter and felt bile rise in her throat. Her anger burned through with each new line she scanned but something else had shown through as well, something too deep for Korra to contemplate now.

 

She carefully folded the freshly inked paper and sealed in an envelope, writing Asami's name delicately on the front. She pressed her seal to the red wax she had picked up for her on impulse and watched the Avatar emblem distort into the shape of a gear, Asami standing before it pulling on her shock glove.

 

Korra rubbed her eyes and glanced at the seal again only to see it contain the 4 elements like it was supposed to.

 

I'm tired, she reasoned. She turned the envelope over in her hands one last time before placing it carefully in a box with the dozen or so others she had written to Asami.

 

Maybe one day Korra would share them with her. But for now she'd have to settle with knowing they existed. She wasn't sure why, but at least she could take comfort in the fact she had confided in Asami, even if the correspondence was purely for herself only.

 

Korra pulled herself back into bed and allowed her mind to wander. She fell asleep thinking of soft green meadows, bright red apples, and the smell of motor oil.

 

* * *

 

Please, please forgive me,

But I won't be home again.

Maybe someday you'll have woke up,

And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:

"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know

You forgot me long ago.

Am I that unimportant?

Am I so insignificant?

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,

But I won't be home again.

I know what you do to yourself,

I breathe deep and cry out:

"Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,

Knowing you don't care.

And if I sleep just to dream of you

And wake without you there,

Isn't something missing?

Isn't something

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?


End file.
